Inspiration comes in all shapes and sizes ... no really, it does!

I’d like to say that I had some great epiphany that inspired me to finally, after all this time, update my blog.  But I can’t.  I have to be honest and say the inspiration came from bird shit!  That’s right; bird poo has been an inspiration to me.  Let that sink in a moment.

When I was leaving the house this morning I noticed that a bird had pooped on my car.  It wasn’t really a stroke of great detective work; after all it was all over my driver’s door.  But it got me thinking, which in itself is something any psychiatrist would agree is odd, and when I start thinking it has a tendency to take my mind places it probably should never go.  I can get to thinking about world peace and end up at chickens … with really no idea HOW I ended up at chicken.  But I digress…

According to an old wives tale (which gets me thinking, do they mean an old wife said it or the tale itself is old?  See how that happens?) When a bird poos on your vehicle it is good luck.  Now I would think right off the bat that it would be good luck for the bird, but they mean it’s good luck for the driver of the vehicle.  Doesn’t make much sense does it?  Apply that thought to life in general.  If I jumped up on somebody’s car, dropped my drawers, and pooed; I don’t see that ending in either of us feeling “lucky” … but if a bird does it?  Who came up with this and how did it become “a thing”?

Off to Google I went.  And as a Public Service Announcement I should mention that if you feel the need to Google “Bird pooing” make sure your SAFE SEARCH is on, but that should really go without saying.  According to what I was able to find on the vast information super highway (do they even call it that anymore?) here is the origin of the bird poo superstition:

                Many people the world over believe that if a bird lets loose on you, then good things are coming your way. One idea is that it's a sign of major wealth coming from heaven, based on the belief that when you suffer an inconvenience (albeit a pretty gross one), you'll have good fortune in return.

So it seems it’s the old “Ying and Yang” thing … out of something bad, comes something good.  Now it doesn’t say WHEN this originated, but I’m going to guess it was during a time when there was a very high population of birds … and I mean A LOT of pooing birds.  It had to be a time in this world where things were bad, and I mean REAL bad, like black plague bad.  I mean how bad could your life be that getting shit on would mean things were going to start looking up?  “I just lost my job, my wife left me, and my house burned down … but a bird just shit on me, so there’s that!”  Look, I play golf, a game where you take a small ball and try to hit it into a small hole 400 yards away, so  I get the gist of dumb ideas becoming a “thing”.  I just would have loved to have been there when the first person got pooed on and someone was able to convince him it was a sign of good luck.  Say what you want, but that’s one good salesman right there.

As I always do, while “researching” the bird poo theory I got side-tracked and began looking at the origins of other old wives tales.  When I was a little kid I could always remember my Grandmother saying that if you stepped on a Spider, it would rain.  I also remember her saying “Charlie, get off the f&%king counter” … Charlie was her cat, not my grandfather.  So I Googled that (the spider thing, not the cat thing).  Turns out this IS a “thing” too, and if you read up on it you will find other spider related tales.

For Example:

-When spiders are many and spinning their webs, the spell will soon be very dry. (this one here doesn’t even rhyme, so questions its legitimacy)

-An old saying about grass spiders: when there is dew on their webs in the lawn in the morning, it will be a beautiful day. (Not many good poet “Tale” writers it seems)

-When spiders spin their webs 'fore noon, Sunny weather's coming soon. (FINALLY, one that flows!)

-In winter, if spiders actively weave their webs, run backwards and forwards, fight with each other and hang on new threads, it means that there will be a cold spell in nine to ten days. (I have given up on my rhyming theory at this point)

-In summer, if spiders build new webs or restore old ones, this forecasts a change to better weather. "doing the spiders' best" means a fine weather.

So with these lessons learned I now have to ask the question “Why do we have all these meteorologists who never get the weather right?  Let’s fire their asses and just put a bunch of spiders around the world and just watch what THEY do?”  I mean really, they couldn't be any worse, right?

Ahhh, but hold on young grasshopper.  The spider is also a sign of luck, both good and bad!

-All spiders except tarantulas are omens of good luck. The larger the spider, the bigger the rewards. 

(Unless you find it in the morning apparently … keep reading).

            -Finding a spider in the morning – Sorrow

And then I found this little nugget:

Kill a spider, bad luck yours will be
Until of flies you've swatted fifty-three.

OK, I just put that one there because it rhymes!

Looking back, I realize this post doesn't really teach us anything, but it did keep me looking busy at work for a little bit … so there’s that!

As far as a bird pooing on your car being good luck?  I can’t say we got to the bottom of that great mystery; but after giving it a little thought, I can say, with almost 100% certainty, that the person who DID come up with that may not have been wise, may not have been old, but certainly was lazy!

“Hey a bird just shit on your car, you going to wash it off?”

“Nah, it’s good luck!”

(Oh, I also learned that Microsoft Word does not recognize poo, pooing, pooed, or pooping as properly spelled words and had I NOT turned off auto-correct, this entire post would have been about pogoing.)