40 Random Questions

I know what you're thinking ... he hasn't updated his blog all summer and his 1st update is a stupid questionnaire. Hey, we gotta ease back into these things ... besides it's not like you're paying to read this. But do you want to??? No? I didn't think so ... so here we go!

(BTW ... that's the cast from "Welcome Back Kotter" ... get it, Welcome Back?)


1. What is your best friend's Mom's name?
Really? That's where you're going to start huh?

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole
Inside my right nostril! I know what you're thinking ... how the hell did I find it, right?

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
Funny I never had a teacher! They didn't sleep with their students back then like they do now! Oh, not the HAD you meant?

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
Yeah ... AND I unsuccessfully attempted the "popcorn trick" but got tossed out. Wasn't my fault the asshole put his hand in the wrong popcorn box!

5. What body part do you wash first?
What the hell ... it's mine and I like to keep it clean so I wash it 1st AND last!!!

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms?
Used to but then I got caught and now I'm not allowed in public restrooms any more.

7. What's the strangest talent you have?
I can fart the theme to Happy Days ... Ok not really ... but that would be a pretty strange talent wouldn't it?

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie?
Used to be an outtie but it seems as if my stomach has grown into it and now it's an innie!

9. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be?
Yes and Yes ... I just hope next time the person doesn't leave me there. That was the longest three days I spent in Harvard Square!

10. Do you parallel park or drive around the block?
I have a pretty "I can park in the middle of the road" orange light on my van ... I put it anywhere!

11. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
Yeah ... July 26th and April 12th!

12. How many times have you been cussed out?
You mean in the last 5 minutes????

13. Which shoe do you put on first?
Mine

14. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Not on purpose ... but I didn't have to buy a drink all night! You go girl!!!

15. Women---
Yes please! Oh is this word association??? OK OK .... Women? Alimony! (OK so maybe I am just a LITTLE bitter since the divorce)

16. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
Those damn restraining orders!

17. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
Just the old lady that lived next door ... hey, she was French! Wait, what ... they DON'T always kiss like that??? Damn you Mrs. Jackson! WHAT??? Jackson's not French??? Son of ...

18. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
You know what happens when you run into the side of a cow? You get knocked out! What the HELL is snipe hunting???

19. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
The crazy dude standing outside my window!

20. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?
Yeah ... I'm the man from Nantucket!

21. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash?
Bath towel ... I'm already CLEAN when I'm using it! I've done some pretty dirty shit on my sheets!

22. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
Yeah, the mailman!

23. What was your childhood nickname?
Mom called me "Fucking Kid" and "Son of a Bitch" ... but she never got the irony of the "Son of a bitch" thing!

24. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
I'm more of a dashboard drummer!

25. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room?
You mean in the last 5 minutes??? Oh, I mean NO never!

26. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
I thought I was once ... turned out to be the dude sitting next to me ... AWKWARD!

27. How do you eat a cookie?
ha ha ha I've heard it called a "Taco" a "Clam" and even a "Cooter" but NEVER a cookie ... oh, did you mean a REAL cookie???

28. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?
They say "join a gym and lose weight" ... I've joined 5 of them and haven't lost a pound ... so NO!

29. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others.
Uhm ... really??? Well, now I'm not ALLOWED to do it in front of others ... part of the "hovering over toilets" ordeal.

30. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
I'm not sure because I always seem to miss it ... but I'm going to say about two drinks BEFORE I realize I am drunk!

31. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?
Who answers YES to this? I mean even if you HAD ... who answers yes to this????

32. How often do you clean out your ears?
I wipe every time ... OH, my EARS ... sorry ... every morning after my shower!

33. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper?
See, I knew there would be a shit question thrown in here ... I'm a roller!

34. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?
I did it 6 times today ... almost 7 but she started to run!

35. Do you have any strange phobias?
I'm afraid of being molested by a horse ... strange huh?

36. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Plenty of American objects but nothing Foreign.

37. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar?
Really??? You don't have time for me to answer this ... trust me on that one!

38. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?
Nobody dared me to get married but I regret it, dos that count?

39. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name?
WHY would I ever call a love interest "You FN bitch" ????

40. Have you ever played naked Twister?
Hell yeah!!! And I'm getting so good one of these days I may challenge someone to play with me!

OK ... you're turn!