Ok so how many of you are on Facebook? Addictive little site ain't it? The other night I decided to go back and look at some of my older "status updates". You should do it some time (I mean go back and look at YOUR older status updates) it's pretty neat!I know they say it's corny to laugh at your own jokes but I have to admit I DID chuckle at a few of them ... some I even actually LOLed ... wait, can you LOLed? Or is it just LOL? Hmmmmm
Moving on ... I decide to cheat on a Blog update and just post some of my more "creative" FB status updates, ENJOY!
Did you know Gilligan's 1st name was Willy? TRUE STORY! So all those years on the island and the Skipper was beating his little Willy ... uhm, with his hat no less!
is tied off on a strand waiting for chach to finnish the house side. (I STILL hear about this one at work)
Home from work and ready for a hot one, then a cold one and then a soft one! That would be SHOWER, BEER, CHAIR!
is working hard and being very efficient because I love my job! (yup you guessed it ... my boss is on FB!)
My memory is getting so bad this year I'm hiding my own Easter eggs!
has decided on eggs! An egg for every moron that rides a bike down the middle of the street holding up traffic because they think they are driving an automobile! "Cluck cluck mutha clucka" (This is where my dislike of cycilists begins ... just wait, it GROWS!)
working like a dog ... have you ever seen a dog work? then you get my point!
never take a laxative and a sleep aid on the same night ... now that's good advice!
my job is to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable ... which one are you?
has assumed the position ... ass down, feet up, head back ... now 1,2,3 ... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh comfy! I love this recliner!!!
Just decided that instead of mowing the lawn ... this year I'm just gonna braid it!
Is going to twitter that I updated my FB status ... wait, then I'll have to update my FB status to say I am twittering ... then I'll have to twitter that I changed my FB status again ... oh man ... when does it stop?
just had a 7-11 hotdog ... I think next time i'll just throw the hotdog in the toilet & cut out the middle man!
Is all ready to spend tomorrow at the beach ... well, not REALLY ... I'm playing golf and I usually end up either in a sand trap or wading through water looking for my ball so it's LIKE the beach!
You say golf ain't a sport and I say you swing at anything 180 times and that's a workout! Best 9 holes I ever played!
I just read that pigs have 30 minute orgasms ... maybe the swine flu does have an upside!
I saw a guy sitting on a bench talking to himself ... then about two blocks down I saw a lady sitting on a bench talking to herself ... ya think maybe they were talking to each other?
ever just wanna smack someone ... I mean REALLY smack em?!
who shits in their living room? people are F-N crazy!
there are some wet things I enjoy being in ... the rain is not one of them!
getting ready to throw on my sweats, hop in my recliner, pop open a pint of Ben & Jerry's "Banana Split" ice cream and watch some TV ... oh look, I think i just grew a mangina!
I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th and remember ... no matter how many beers you have and no matter how "COOL" it may seem, shooting bottle rockets out of your ass is NEVER a good idea ... some things we learn the hard way!
4 DAYS OFF ... WOO-HOO!!! Gonna spend it with some friends ... Johnny, Jack, Jose & Bud ... that would be Walker, Daniels, Cuervo and Wieser!
Oh Latoya ... I think we lost the wrong Jackson!
ha ha ... that was cute when you yelled "I have the right of way" ... now get your FN bicycle out of the middle of the road before I shove your 'right of way' right up your ass! (and my love of cyclists grows)
And then I thought it would be fun to RHYME my status updates:
I've decided from now on all of my updates are going to rhyme ... except for this one cause I don't have the time ... oh wait...
Working today and climbing the walls ... another hot one with un-powdered balls!
uhm, yeah ... if you wear a skirt and sit on the stoop ... cross your legs cause I can see where you poop!
Al Sharpton is at it again! Now he's standing up for the kettle ... says all the name calling from the pot has got to end!
I posted without and then caught some slack ... so my status in rhyme? i'm bring 'em back!
we were both pissed and you flipped me the bird ... I called you "mother" but that was only half the word!
It's been a long day, gonna hop in the reclina ... it's the second best thing, next to a (you know where that was going, dontcha?)
I put Cheerios in the toilet to improve my aim ... so if there is pee on your floor don't look to me for blame!
And the Rhyming DID end ... moving on:
That's great ... you're taking a left so you stay as far right as you can so nobody can get by! You Prius driving, tree hugging, granola eating, hairy legged, ozone saving, WWF card holding,hemp wearing, NPR listening, "Save the Whale...s" bumper sticker buyer, yoga doing SOB (I miss anything?) ... GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!
This shower is going to make me feel so good I think I should buy it dinner first!
I only have so much brain capacity so for every new thing I learn I forget something ... which explains why i'm sitting here in my underwear!
yeah that's a really cool ride ... nice rims, sweet ground efx, thumpin' stereo ... but, uhm, yeah it's still a Prius asshole!
Tornado watch for Middlesex county!?!?!? Tornado's are like a divorce ... a bunch of crap gets thrown around and someone usually ends up losing a house ...
Random Thought: You think the bathrooms at a sewer treatment plant has the "All Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work" sign? I mean really, what would be the point???
FOR SALE: Vespa scooter ... comes with helmet, lock and attached bike rack! Oh, and I don't have a key for the lock! Best offer
riding a razor scooter ... hat on backwards ... lolipop in his mouth ... cute huh? except the guy was in his 40's!
I hear voices in my head ... but they're speaking spanish so I have NO idea what they're saying!
OK so not only did I NOT win Mega Millions BUT I didn't even get 1 F'n number in all the ones I played ... not 1! On a somewhat related note ... anyone know how to un-send an e-mail to your boss???
FOR SALE: 20 Mega Millions tickets ... paid 20 bucks for them yesterday willing to sell for 10 bucks today!!!
AAAAHHHHH, Sunday mornings! I love just hanging out in my boxers, cup of coffee and some chill music ... so relaxing! Granted a little awkward because I'm at work but still relaxing none the less!
They say hard work never killed anyone ... but really, why take the chance?
she said "You're so F-N immature, grow up" ... and I said "I'm rubber, you're glue ... bounces of me and sticks to you".
Yes I know the sign says "yeild to pedestrians" ... it also says "Buckle up" and I don't do that, so go ahead and take your chances!
Things I've learned today: 1.) Walgreens has a sale on Mike & Ike's 3 for 3 bucks! 2.) Eating Mike & Ike's make me happy! 3.) Throwing Mike & Ike's at a-hole people riding their bicycles in the middle of the road ma...kes me happier! 4.) People on bikes really have no idea where flying Mike & Ikes come from! This is gonna be a fun day ...
Labor Day weekend and I'm laboring all weekend ... boy I can't wait until Fornication Day Weekend!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists... thank god for Mike & Ike!!!
my lesbian neighbor just gave me a Rolex ... I think she misunderstood me, I said I wanted TO watch!
a gray cat just ran in front of me ... is that just 'sorta' bad luck?
She said: "You never listen to anything I have to say" and then walked out of the room! I said: "Sure, bring me back a beer"!
So there they are, most of my FB status updates for the last 9 months. I know what you're thinking ... I spend WAY too much time on Facebook, and you're right!
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