Another Facebook type survey showed up in my e-mail today with the promise that if I answer all the questions and forward it to 20 of my friends I will receive something VERY special within 5 minutes of completing the questions! Hey, who am I to tempt fate?So here we go..
1. Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
Drop my empty gas can and run like hell!!! What, is that wrong? Yeah you are right I should keep the gas can with me ... evidence! Good thinking!
2. Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction?
To be honest with you if my best friend was a female then it's a good chance it could be mine!
3. When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
About 5 minutes ago ... bikes are NOT automobiles ... stay out of the middle of the road asshole!
4. What is the last thing you spent money on?
Blue Blocker sun glasses and some "Extendz"... which, oddly enough, was also the last night I did drugs and stayed up watching all night infomercials!
5. Do you think you gained or lost weight this past month?
I don't think I gained or lost BUT something IS wrong with the dryer ... keeps shrinking my shit!
6. Crunchy or Puffy CheetoCurls?
Puffy ... used to think the crunchy ones were puffy ones that went bad!
7. The first person on your friends list just called you a bitch. What do you have to say ?
Bitch? really? Bitch!? Asshole I could see ... but Bitch? Can I change my answer to #3?
8. Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name?
Jesus ... no really, at this point it would HAVE to be Jesus! Bit of a "dry spell" if you know what I mean.
9. Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name?
Uhm ... what's the feminine version of Jesus ... Jesusa???
10. What are you craving right now?
A big Hot Fudge Sundae with nuts and whipped cream AND a Billy's Roast Beef dinner! SHIT, maybe I'M pregnant!!
11. What was the last thing you cried about?
Question 1 ... tears of joy my friend ... tears of joy!
12. When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell the cashier to keep it?
I TAKE IT ... you never know when I'm going to have to give someone my 2 cents on a subject and if I left it with the cashier I wouldn't have to give! DUH
13. What color is your tissue box?
Tissue box? really?
14. Do you have a ceiling fan in your bedroom, and if so, is there dust on that fan?
How can you have a ceiling fan AND mirrors on your ceiling???
15. What was the last voicemail you received about?
I guess my auto warranty is about to expire or something ... shit and it was my 2nd notice too!
16. Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook?
You can do that?
17. Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
Obama's election (relax I would've said the same thing about McCain)
18. Do you wear a name tag at work?
NO... they have too many names for me at work ... and most of them you wouldn't want to see in print!
19. What kind of car do you want?
Have you seen the car that turns into a plane??? Yeah, that one!
20. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
A Big Mac ... yeah that's the look they give me too!
21. Have you ever had a garage sale?
Yup ... but the guy who owned the garage was pissed!
22. What color is your iPod?
Black ... it's actually just an MP3 player I don't buy into the "brand name thing" ... me and my Zip sneakers are fine!
23. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
I do believe it was a Friday's Long Island Iced Tea ... OK, can I go back and change my craving question now?
24.Are you happy with your life?
It's OK but I would rather have that guys ... right there ... to your left ... walking ... the one over there ... no, the one next to him ... yeah HIM!
25. Who came over to your house last?
Some guy that said he witnessed Jehova or something something ...
26. Do you drink beer?
Why what else can I do with it? Something I don't know?
27. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
Yeah and my sister used to tell me she was going to return me ... no wonder I have so many issues huh?
28. What is your favorite key on your key chain?
Did you run out of SMART questions or something??? My Roller Skate Key of course! (How many people reading this ACTUALLY know what I'm talking about???)
29. What was the last movie you watched at home?
Debbie Does ... er, I mean ...Lakeview Terrace
30. What is in your pocket?
Sunshine ... yup ... I got a pocket ... a pocket full of sunshine!
31. Who introduced you to your bf/gf/husband/wife
I can't remember BUT IF I EVER SEE THEM AGAIN ... the mother fu... yeah ok, moving on!
32. Where do you hurt?
It's funny anytime someone brings up my ex ... my asshole starts to hurt!
33. Has someone ever made you a build a bear?
No ... but a Build a BEER ... yeah!
34. What's something fun you did today?
Oh I answered these questions and then I went to the dentist and had my teeth pulled without any Novocain ... it was a fucking blast!
35. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?
It used to be the free candy isle until they explained to me that it was actually the CANDY FREE isle ... amazing how "word order" can really change the perspective
36. When is your birthday?
July 28th SO DON'T FORGET MY PRESENT THIS YEAR!
37. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
nope
38. How many states in the US have you been to?
GOOD question ... let's see ... MA, VT, NH, PA, CA, FL, AL, TX, NY, ME, RI, VA, OH, GA, NJ, CT and Washington DC
39. What kind of milk do you drink?
Breast ... no? OK ... 2%
40. What are you going to do after this?
Vow never to answer any more of these damn surveys!
41. Who was the last person you went shopping with?
Not a big shopper ...
42. What is something you need to go shopping for?
I keep answering these surveys so I'm gonna answer A LIFE!
43. Do you have the same first name as one of your relatives?
Yeah, my Aunt Dorothy
44. What kind of car do your parents drive?
Does this matter?
45. Are you rich?
NOOOOOO, I'm Brendon! Oh you mean rich, like money wise ... yeah did you MISS the fact that I have an ex wife? I'll let YOU answer this one for yourself!
47. [Invisible Question Here]
invisible answer here (and damn it was a GOOD one too!)
48. What famous person do you look like?
Alf (he's still famous right?)
50. Say you were given a pregnancy test right now. Would you pass or fail?
Very confusing ... if you ARE pregnant is that a PASS or a FAIL? It's a Pregnancy Test ... if I take a drug test and I have drugs in me I FAIL, but if I take a pregnancy test and I have a kid in me I PASS ... or do I fail??? Oh, by the way ... I HAVE A PENIS so this was a waisted question!
60. Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
Yup ... and NO I didn't see the trucker until it was too late!
OK, that does it for this round of questions!
~Ciao
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